Secret Service

I LOVE this Secret Service scandal. Not only is it alliterative, but it takes the cake for stupid, which also starts with an “S”.

This is a scandal?

Who do you think smuggled Marolyn Monroe into the White House for JFK?

Do you think President Clinton found a niche in the Oval Office complex where no one was watching him and Monica?

Do you really think they didn’t know that Nixon was overdosing on Scotch while listening to his tapes and otherwise going crazy?

They call it the Secret Service for a reason.

Do you think that, just all of a sudden, 11 Secret Service agents and five people in the military suddenly decided that they could do a few prostitutes in a country where prostitutes are cheap.

I am certainly not saying that all are guilty.

I’m just thinking that one of them, when confronted with a situation, was too stupid to keep it secret. You don’t take your dispute over money with a woman into a hall crawling with agents and hotel security and local police. Especially with a Latina. Bad idea.

You also can’t think that 16 guys are now under the microscope if this is the first time something like this has happened. Two or three maybe.

There was a first guy who did it and the rest covered. Then maybe a few more. Then it became standard, not for all, but for some. After all, it is secret. And it is on their time off.

I love it not because agents are in trouble. I love it because “secret” is in trouble.

Secret as in they can monitor your phone calls without a court order.

Secret as in they can accumulate information on you from all kinds of sources without your knowledge.

Secret as in you don’t know what these guys are doing until they get caught in the hall with an irate Latina.

Ben Franklin said it. “They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety.”

The Best New Thing In The World

I started my career in journalism in 1972. By the time I got to The Palm Beach Post, the Honda Goldwing had been introduced as the 999cc GL1000 Gold Wing in 1975. It was a naked bike with four horizontally opposed cylinders. It was a BMW squared.

I got my first bike about then – a Honda 550cc in-line four cylinder. It was a great motorcycle.

Some little time after that, I persuaded a salesman to give me a ride on the back of the new Gold Wing. It was awesome. The power was outstanding and the almost electric feel of the bike was a whole new thing.

I’ve kept that in my head for 37 years now.

By the end of the ’90′s, the Gold Wing had morphed into a 1500cc motorcycle that came in two editions. You could get the Gold Wing with faring and bags, much resembling the Gold Wing of today, or the naked Valkyrie.

The other day I was up at my favorite dealership, Florida Motorsports in Stuart FL, and there, sitting a few bikes down from the door, was a 1999 Honda Valkyrie. It is designated the GL1500C and is the Gold Wing without the factory faring and bags and doodads.

This is the next generation of the bike I was on long, long ago.

The bike had 70,000 miles on it and was selling for $4,500.

This bike is the reason I carry an American Express card.

It is now mine and it is totally excellent.

The choke doesn’t work and the brakes aren’t near as good as the Brembos I have on my Ducati.

But who cares?

It has the biggest engine plowing down the road of any naked bike – so much so that even Harley guys give it respect. I wasn’t five miles from the dealership on my way home when a Harley guy pulled up next to me and shouted “That is a great bike!”

The new Kawasaki Concours probably outshines it, but this 1999 bike still has 120 ccs of engine in excess and looks it. It looks all engine.

It is as well balanced as my venerable BMW R-1200-RT. And it blows the BMW away in terms of power.

So here is the best new thing in the world today. An almost collectable Honda Valkyrie.

Santorum

Rick Santorum bows out leaving behind a host of evangelicals who, if they ever got up to speed on Mormons, would vote for Romney only because he is not Black.

I mean, what is worse for these idiots – the fact that Obama is Black or the fact that Romney believes in a religion that has baptized, after she was dead, Anne Frank, a Jew, at least a dozen times.

I’m from the South, meaning that we baptize people. But in all cases I have seen, you have to be alive to be baptized.

Not with the Mormons. They have their own heaven and you have to be baptized to get there. But you don’t have to be alive. If they like you, they can baptize you and send you to their heaven even if you have your own and would prefer to go there.

If you partake of religion, this probably sounds pretty crazy to you.

But the Mormons are just getting started. Their engines aren’t even warm yet.

Brigham Young, the illiterate big guy behind the religion, if you don’t count the New York faker that started it, thought it was perfectly OK to kill and loot anyone who wasn’t Mormon. He boasted about it. He also was pro-rape and polygamy.

So it is the Church of Jesus Christ and the Later Day Saints and this guy was the main later day Saint. Do I hear a bit of dissonance here?

Thou shall not kill (and loot)?

That anyone who belongs to this cult could be considered a candidate for President of the United States is just plain crazy.

The fact that people think the United States was founded on religion is a failure of education.

The United States was founded by a lot of folks who didn’t want their religion stomped on by the state and another bunch of folks who didn’t want their lack of religion to be stomped on either.

On December 15, 1791, the first 10 Amendments to the Constitution were ratified. The first one said, in part:

“Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof”

That means Mormons are free to be Mormons, others can handle poisonous snakes, and I can be free to believe in the Flying Spaghetti Monster, and none of it can be the established religion of our country.

When it comes to electing a President, do you want someone who venerates a guy that believed in rape, polygamy, murder of anyone who didn’t share his religion, and looting of the dead?

Or maybe a Christian guy from Chicago who thinks everyone should have health care?

I would prefer an atheist guy from damned near anywhere who thinks everyone should have health care, but that is just me and I have a Constitutional right to be that way.

So when you go to the polls, think about this. Unless you have a pile of money, you are sticking your dick up your own ass if you don’t vote for the people who would give you free medical care. That would be the Democrats. It probably will take 50 years to get there, but eventually, medical care will be universal and paid for by taxes. It is the only way everyone will have it.

Or, you can vote for murder, polygamy, rape, and watch your mother die because your job at Wal-Mart has no medical for your family.

Pick one.

Come to Morakami

Is this an orchid? I have no clue.

Tomorrow and Sunday the Morikami Museum is having an orchid show. If you haven’t been recently, this is your perfect excuse. The Morikami and its grounds are a treasure. You can become a member for a reasonable price and go as often as you like. The museum restaurant is a jewel. It is always packed, but there isn’t much of a wait. Try the Bento box. That and tea is a $15 lunch, not including tip, but it is worth it.

One of several waterfalls near the main museum.

Never Again

I watched a video of a WWII vet talking about his experiences in Germany. It is part of a project to document what our vets went through that will be housed in the Library of Congress.

The images are horrifying.

He talked about coming upon a Hitler Youth school where 13 and 14-year-olds marched out with rifles to oppose his unit. “They shot at you. You didn’t want to die. You shot back.”

He talked of liberating concentration camps with thousands of bodies and hundreds of survivors who were so starved they could not ingest the C-Rations that the troops carried. They had to wait for the medical corps with IVs.

He said he is disappointed that we have not found a better way to settle our differences.

Jesus H. God. Can’t we take a lesson?

For Shelly

This is for Shelly. Don’t really know how to spell her name. But this is a photo of her daughter on the right. Taken at a party at her house a while back.

Thought she would like to see it.

For the rest of you, this is eye candy.

A pretty good cab for $10

If any of you are looking for a nice cabernet sauvignon, here is one I would suggest. Got it today at Crown Liquors in Palm Beach Gardens.

This Avalon cab was very drinkable. Not rough at all. I wish I could say it had an aftertaste of jingleberries or whatever the professional reviewers say, but I can’t. I’ll never get one of those silver cups on a chain around my neck.

I asked one of the four people on duty in the store to recommend a cab for around $10. The Avalon is one of two recommended. The other was a Wente that also is good.

I’m impressed with that store. Everyone seems knowledgeable about the selection and it is impressive. Not overwhelming like Total Wine, but impressive.

In Total Wine, you have to look for assistance and then you wonder how anyone could be knowledgeable about 4,000 or so products.

While finding it at Crown Liquors we walked past cabs that went for above $50 so there is plenty of upside.

They also have an impressive cheese station.

The place is on the west side of U.S. 1 north of PGA. I recommend it.

Holiday Wishes

This is the season for best wishes and new hopes.

First, may I give my best wishes to the men and women who are returning from our long war in Iraq. May you have a wonderful holiday season with your families and find productive employment when you return.

My heart goes out to the men and women who are still on duty in Afghanastan. Come home soon, unhurt, and honored.

I wish all the men and women in Veterans Hopsitals across the nation a Happy New Year. I wish my wish could come true.

Remember the suffering of all those others who lost loved ones in these two wars that were never authorized by our own laws. Last count I saw was more than 100,000 Iraqi civilians. I have never seen a count for Pakistan or the other countries where we have been bombing with drones.

Their loss of a brother or a son or a daughter is no less than ours.

Finally, to my friends here at home, may your Holiday Season be bright, all your loved ones be well, and your thoughts be with all of us, everyone on the planet.

Let us all hope that we can find a better way to settle our diferences.

President Newt

I’m just wondering how in hell “President” Newt Gingrich could be a thought on any rational person’s mind.

Newt Gingrich is such a trip.

Newt is a lot like me. He says shit just to see other people react. He isn’t serious. Even he could not see himself as President. It would reduce his income.

I would have a great time sitting down with Newt and having a beer. Any student of history who says all Arabs are alike, which is what he just about said the other day, would be so easy prey. He might as well have said that all black folk are the same, as he did just about the other day. Not taking into account that some black folk have been head of the Harvard Law Review and happen to be the actual President.

I love this guy.

Newt is a glorified high school history teacher who has found a way to go over the top in a 24/7 world that needs sound bites.

Too bad he doesn’t know any actual history.

But it is a great thing that all this can be recorded.

In 100 years, they will know how small we were. We actually took Newt seriously.

For a while.

Chickens and Gooses

I am here in praise of Sriracha. The photo above is a screen I have on my window. It is just for people who want a photo.

Sriracha comes in two flavors. The Chicken is HOT. The Goose is Mild.

The Chicken is for flavoring soups and stews. The Goose goes good on a tuna sandwich.

You can get it at the Fortune Cookie just east of Congress Avenue on Forest Hill. South side.

I met Sriracha on a cruise years ago. I was on the Celebrity Century and what a wonderful cruise ship it was. Teak decks. Nordic simplicity. Great food.

At the time, it was the only cruise line that had a famous chef doing the menu.

It was lunch and a crew person was sitting down the table from me. He had Sriracha and was using it liberally.

I asked if I could try it.

“How hot can you stand?” he asked.

I was younger then. I’d been to Mexico.

I said “As hot as it gets.”

Well, Sriracha is not as hot as it gets. Not by a long shot. But the Chicken is hot.

And it carries a taste of the Orient with it.

It might be an acquired taste, so if you rush out and buy a bottle, don’t blame me if it doesn’t fit your palate.

If you do like it, please leave a comment.